When I got "the call", it was about 7:30pm on a Friday night. I was roughly 35 weeks pregnant, and I had just got done having Andy take some pictures of me and Abbie in the kitchen- my huge belly taking up so much room! Everything was great, we were preparing for a new baby. Two days earlier, my brother and mom had gotten the "all clear" from the doctor- Thanks to radiation, Dylan's tumors were in remission and he showed no signs of new cancer growth anywhere else in his body. So the world was happy and bright and full of promise. Little did any of us know that he had quietly passed away the night before, and was waiting to be found by our poor mom. Oh how things have changed since then.
For one, we have two new little people in our family. Adelaide was born 3 weeks after he passed away, and Riley joined our family (born to Stephanie and Woody) about 2.5 years later. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel these little people have been ripped off from knowing their uncle...they will never get to hear him call them "munchkin" or have him sweep them up for big hugs- they will never experience the excitement of hearing his Harley roar up the driveway at Grandmas.. they will never know what Uncle Dylan was like when he was alive, like my other kids do.
Another thing that has changed is the relationship between our remaining siblings. We have formed a much stronger bond to each other and for that, I'm grateful. It has made us realize that there is nothing like family, and reminds us to never take each other for granted. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of my sisters' lives and now, in their children's life (Steph is the only one to have any kids so far).
Since Dylan passed away, I have learned about end of life care issues, and have read a lot about life-after-death. I used to consider myself an atheist, but now I'm not so sure. I'm convinced there is something after death, even if it's only that I'm grasping at straws to help me cope with Dylan's death. I'm okay with that :)
I could write a book on things that have changed since I lost my brother, but I wont. I think I'm finally past the "it's so unfair" angry stage, and have arrived at the "sad and always missing him-but accepting that he's gone" stage. It is what it is, and I can't change it or bring him back. So today and every day, I choose to strive for telling my loved ones how much they mean to me, and focus on appreciating each day that I have with the ones that mean the most to me.
Rest in Peace little brother- til' we meet again!
Oct 18th 1979~ February 26th 2010
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